This morning's post is brought to you by a family of slacking Gundersons.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Termination Thursday
Its an event nearly 7 years in the making, and Maestro wears it well....Those glorious days of wading through subprime MBS, losing more $ than we ever dreamed possible, and living the American dream so hard it hurt, will be coming to one spectacular end.
The 10% workforce that remains,
the surly staff downstairs serving up gourmand abominations,
our cherished office pet/friend/confidant/scaly shoulder to lean on/almost licensed backup Settlement specialist Cornelius Xavier,
will live on in our hearts and memories for approx. 24 hours post-departure.
As Maestro shakes off the shackles of the last few years, he feels much like the pioneers of the Oregon Trail. Well, I guess he didn't battle dysentery, nor did he have great success with the hunting and he never found wild berries... but luckily he chose banking and of course won the game.
Suffice to say, Maestro and the Otters couldn't be more thrilled with this development. The future is bright.
-Homer Simpson
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Cleaning Up After the Dog
Cleaning up after the Dog
by Jason Tandon
Pull plastic bag from pocket
and wave it like a flag
or diploma. Make sure many people
congratulate your care
for the community.
Check bag for holes.
Double check.
Inspect stool for odd hues.
Greens, blues, blood.
Evaluate consistency.
You don't want to leave smears
on the sidewalk or grass—no prints.
Getaway must be clean.
Prepare to go in for all of it.
Hold breath.
Grab, clamp, reverse bag, twist, knot, cinch.
Smell hands.
Hold loaded bag high in the air,
assure onlookers that Everything is Okay.
If a cop should cruise by,
his crew cut bristling
in the sun,
hold that bag higher,
so he, too, can salute
your contribution.
The bomb diffused,
the world a little safer, a little cleaner,
will not offend the deep treads
of someone's shoes.
"Cleaning up after the Dog" by Jason Tandon, from Give Over the Heckler and Everyone Gets Hurt. © Black Lawrence Press, 2009.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Ash Wednesday Wisdom
Wha? Oh, its just Maestro's thoughts on trying to give up beer (and licking babies) for Lent.
OK, give Maestro a bit of a break here. Do you know how hard it is to find a blog appropriate Ash Wednesday quote? I hope you weren't expecting ashes on a dog. I mean, that's the kind of malapropos behavior one might expect to find over at Otterly Awesome.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Mardi Gras Maestro
Whew. Followers can breathe a sigh of relief that I was thinking ahead to this blog when I took this photo last year.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Monday Maestro Musings
Christopher Marlowe
| Come live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove That valleys, groves, hills, and fields, Woods or steepy mountain yields. And we will sit upon the rocks, Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks, By shallow rivers to whose falls Melodious birds sing madrigals. And I will make thee beds of roses And a thousand fragrant posies, A cap of flowers, and a kirtle Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle; A gown made of the finest wool Which from our pretty lambs we pull; Fair lined slippers for the cold, With buckles of th purest gold; A belt of straw and ivy buds, With coral clasps and amber studs: And if these pleasures may thee move, Come live with me and be my love. The shepherds’ swains shall dance and sing For thy delight each May morning: If these delights thy mind may move, Then live with me and be my love. |
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Now bring me prisoner 24601!
Javert: Now bring me prisoner 24601! Your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means?
Maestro Valjean: Yes, it means I'm free.
Javert: No! It means you get your yellow ticket of leave. You are a thief!
Maestro Valjean: I stole a box of milkbones.
Javert: You robbed a doghouse!
Maestro Valjean: I broke a windowpane. My sister's pup was close to death, and we were starving!
Javert: You will starve again, unless you learn the meaning of the law!
Maestro Valjean: I know the meaning of those nineteen years, a slave of the law!
Javert: Five years for what you did, the rest because you tried to run; yes, 24601!
Maestro Valjean: My name is Maestro Valjean!
Javert: And I'm Javert. Do not forget my name! Do not forget me, 24601!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday Maestro Musings
It would be absurd to not consider what it is that I can potentially do to help our country.
- MAESTRO P. GUNDERSON,
- saying he would consider running for President in 2012 if it was best for his family and the country, in an interview on "Fox News Sunday"
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Maestrogate
Never before seen photos of the break-in at the Maestrocratic National Committee HQ. All suspects innocent until proven guilty.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Nobody Saw This One Coming
Well, it appears that Punxsutawney Maestro has seen his shadow. Time to head back to his hovel for six more weeks of Winter, at least.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Monday Maestro Musings
NEVER saw a Purple Cow,
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